I am Waiting For Your Love

Where is love? Why do I never get it anymore? Is it right it just comes once in someone life? And when it’s gone, where should we seek and hunt? Must I wait, yet it’s just wasting time!
It came the first time when I was just 21. Pure love...., not monkey love or puppy one. It so amazing! It’s… everything you know …beautiful.

I am tempted, drunk in the wizard of love. Two years I felt it. It is really illogic. In the name of it, I give my everything, I sacrifice. The purity of love lies on the trust that nothing is useless when we give to it.

But the fate talks different. In the third year, my love’s gone. I left him with tears. Truck and the sleepy driver, had taken my love in the north line. I can’t do anything. What I felt is walking from the pains to pains.

I can’t be able to get a long with man. I love him very much. Until I thought I can’t live again without him. We love each other and the norm is outside of us. I never regret it.

I never regret with my status, never love man and am loved for three years. After Jack, just call my formerly boy. He was the God in my life. Until one day Michael came. He was Brahma friend, only him know our love. Since it’s so close I and Jack so he never punishes me. He yet disagrees but respects my decision.

We are close, I can’t love him. But, he says he loves me for long time. But I can’t love him, but I can receive his love since he knows my past. I love him ordinarily. It is better to be loved than love. I act as his wife, without any wonder like I did with Brahma.

But, Michael is not God, he was just a man. He left me with a laughter. Laughter! Since he was just obsessed with my body. He said “everyday he always angry because the boarding house only filled with Brahma. And he always imagined what I have done in the room. He also wanted “to taste “me. He drank what was in his imagination. And now he was free from his hypnotize.

Do I regret? No, I don’t love him, no tears while he went with big smile. For me, body is not something important and holy. Because Jack was still in my mind, never off.

And then I know John, Bertrand, Allya and Djuked. All love me. Yet, time goes by they just like my body! I am just usually, fulfills their wants. It was just body. I just get friend, he just want my body, when he says love, and I just laugh. Without saying it if I am all right, I will give it. But, that’s a man, to get the body they use the holy word, and wastes the time to flatter, an ancient stupid ness!

Is there any substitute for Jack? Yes, an old man, DeBroor. Old since he got married. He loves me without hoping my body. I love him and ready to do anything. But he refuses it. In fact, there is a man love me without hoping my body first. But I can’t marry him. He has his own family and I don’t want to destroy it. I left him. We love in different view of value. I was happy to recall it.

Now, I am alone. I am 32 years old. And I don’t hope to find love. I just relax to fill the life. If someday, I found a man like DeBroor, and still single. I will give all my life. As the sign of devotion, as a mother of our children. But until now I am still awaiting, without regret of my past. I believe a woman must be strong. Because in this world is too cruel for a weak woman.

Posted by: Kim